In early morning hours I feel my new Morrigan altar charging, glowing, and coming to life. It is a subtle sense of energy I am trusting although I have doubts if the space and my offerings are suitable. But it seems She is responding well to them. I will certainly add or change items according to any guidance I receive. A lot of the items I’ve chosen come from my own soul’s connection to the Morrigan. I choose to mix vervain, dried lavender from the herb garden, angelica root, and mugwort to an offering bowl along with a deep red apple, obsidian and a few amethyst crystals. I also place my new athame and a smooth selenite wand next to the offerings. For now, this feels very right to me.
I wrote this in my journal after the Morrigan asked me to create an altar space dedicated to Her. Looking back now it really symbolizes our relationship in many ways. Our connection is deepened by following subtle sparks of inspiration. It takes a lot of trust and often much resistance or doubt on my part to follow these inspirations as I’m regularly being initiated to embody Her energies as daughter and Priestess.
On Christmas Eve of this year I had a dream experience that shifted my perspective just enough to be able to catch glimpses of who was calling me:
I dreamed I saw three Ravens flying in a backyard with many birdhouses. One of the Ravens took a brown egg from its nest and started to fly toward me. The Raven dropped the egg into my hands and landed on my right eye, holding it closed within its strong beak. It didn’t hurt at all and after the initial surprise I surrendered to the Raven’s will and felt my whole body shaking as if it were being electrocuted. Shaking and very stunned, I began to wake up in a parallel reality of some kind. It felt like I had flown into a new world. Did the Raven fly me here? I saw a sparkling stream surrounded by lush green hills with children playing by the water. As I landed near the water’s edge a little blonde hair boy greeted me and called me Anna. I asked, “Is that what you call me here?” A few others greeted me the same way and I was suddenly aware that I had no idea who or where I was. I was later gathered with a group of men and women, perhaps it was a coven of witches. Several others greeted me and called me Anna again and I felt terrible that no one in the room was familiar to me. Well, except for one of the women. She had red hair and orange eyes that glowed with the candles lighting our dark cabin. She said her full name but all I remember hearing was the word Valkyrie…
This dream was certainly not a clear indication of the Morrigan’s call, yet the mystery of the symbols and the name Anna captivated me to explore even more. I began to research Goddesses related to the Valkyrie and Raven. The Goddess Freyja initially fit as She is known as the Goddess of the Valkyries. Some of her themes were also very congruent with this sovereign and intense energy I felt from the fire woman in my dream. But there were still a few things that felt incomplete--the Raven and the name Anna. But I decided to work with Freyja because there was still enough there for me to build a relationship and learn more about Her. I was also receiving a lot of synchronicities to work with the Goddess Brigid. There were several themes in common between the two and once again I trusted what I received.
One day, seemingly out of nowhere, I felt the presence of the Morrigan on the outer layer of my aura. It felt like she was watching me as I was learning to trust and learn more about myself and these Goddesses. I couldn’t explain why I felt Her I just knew that it was Her and everything began to fall into place. “Morrigan, are you calling me?” I quietly asked. As I frantically began researching about Her, I saw the name Anu, one of Her triple aspects that is often associated with the Goddess Danu. Anu is sometimes referred to as Ana. I was incredibly emotional when I realized that one of the Morrigan’s strongest associations is the Raven. “It’s You, it’s the Morrigan!” I cried. It felt so right as I breathed a huge sigh of relief. This knowing unraveled deep healing for me within the following weeks and much more began to make sense over time.
On a Full moon night before my 31st birthday I asked how I could work with the Morrigan in the coming year. She responded, “It’s about to get real as f***.” Her energy is often intense and not always comfortable. She guided me to scry into a candle flame and practice creating a sigil. In our first ritual she asked me to do several things that were outside of my comfort zone but ended up being exactly what I needed to grow. I had nightmares weekly and a bout of depression leading up to my birthday. But I felt her strength within me and somehow knew that honoring these painful experiences created a resiliency that I desperately needed. In doing so, I developed a confidence in myself. I even started looking for ways I could take small risks as an offering to Her. For example, I would challenge myself by doing an advanced yoga sequence to build my physical and emotional endurance. These always felt like the best offerings. I could feel Her energy push through for me when it was especially difficult or I wanted to give up.
After the excitement of recognizing Her initial calling, I had another powerful dream with a major lesson to learn. I was sitting by a river scrying into the deep blue water. A fox quietly approached me and laid in my lap for a while. The connection was undeniable, and I felt so safe and secure absorbing the energy of this beautiful red fox. But I didn’t know it could swim. It leapt out of my arms and then I saw it shapeshift into a man and back into a fox as it swam under the water. I heard “Trust my rhythms, I never leave you, even if it feels like goodbye.”
I realized that the Morrigan is never going to stay still or appear the same way in my life. She’s a shapeshifter, and although She is always with me, She doesn’t appear when I want or in the way I think She should. But this is also Her greatest power and why I love Her so very much. My soul themes for this lifetime mirror Her many aspects, and much like a daughter, I am learning to navigate them by integrating my Mother’s wisdom. This is not at all a worshipping dynamic, or one where I am powerless and She is all-knowing. I truly feel the Morrigan calls Her children when they are ready to harness Her abilities as their own.
It feels significant that for most of my young life I was confused as my twin sister. I somehow existed in the space of two identities, not being able to fully inhabit one. I was also born through a gateway that opens once every four years. The void I experience on non- leap years feels like a death, a paradox to the celebration of birth. This intrigues me when I contemplate my life from a Morriganic path walking perspective. The Morrigan is a shapeshifter and a representative of both birth and death, the circle of life. She appears in my ability to adjust energies as an empath and highly sensitive person. I used to view this as negative or overwhelming but now I see how it helps me thrive and develop my psychic senses. With Her warrior aspect, She helps me find strength in all the places I feel are weak or unworthy. In the conflict of my abuse history, I learn to trust and honor myself. I set boundaries and help bring justice for others who are suffering. The confusion that arises between the light and dark realms seems to be a natural place for the Morrigan to live and I want to be able to navigate between these worlds as well.
Before this calling I did one of the bravest things I could do in my life. I openly reclaimed myself as a Witch and began working with the many archetypal forces of the Great Mother. This developed into working with the Dark Goddess before I knew it was the Morrigan. I frequently set the intention to find out who my Matron Goddess was and asked for symbols to be revealed in dreams and waking life. As I worked with the energy, my meditations began to feel personal to a single Goddess and love grew between myself and Her ancient force. It made me wonder if there was a specific Goddess I could someday dedicate myself to as Priestess. I worked closely with Mary Magdalene a few years ago but I never felt claimed by Her. Before receiving my Reiki Master attunement I saw the name Morrigan in various books and websites when I would research other Goddess mythologies. I felt an intense magnetic pull to the name alone, but as I read about Her warrior and death aspects She frightened me. Our connection could not develop until I was ready to anchor these primal forces in my own life. Now I understand, She was making Herself known, patiently waiting for my readiness to answer Her.
The Morrigan has been with me for much longer than the moment I finally recognized Her eight months ago. I have a flashback of Her standing over my crib promising that She would protect me. Another flash of memory 27 years later. She comes alive in a full body channeling experience and tells me I am a Witch for the first time. In all Her forms and mystery She is always calling...
On Raven wings and sharpened blade She guides the journey I must take To risk, to test, to sacrifice This is the Morrigan’s rite